FUNNY VoiceMail MESSAGES
Sam’s voicemail is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
Mom, Dad... Don't you think it would be easier to reach me if I had a cellular phone? So how about an early birthday present?
(Create a noisy sound) Hi! I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?
Hi, this is Bob's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions!
Sorry we’re not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you’ll be heard.
Please leave your name and number - but first, a short algebra quiz: How much is 5Q + 5Q? (Keep a pause so that the caller has time to think) 10Q. You're welcome!
Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
This is not a voicemail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you and I'll think about returning your call.
Hi. This is John - If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me.
I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone; you might have to deal with me in person!
"I'm out walking my donkey but as soon as I get my ass back in I'll call you back. Leave me a message."
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used against you. *beep*
Hi, you have reached the RIGHT woman but at the WRONG time, leave your message after the beep.*beep*
Hi. I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. *beep*
Life is short, so you’re message better be, too. *beep*
I can't talk to you but you can talk to me. All you have to do is wait for the magic beep. *beep*
Oh! Here comes a BEEP! I hope you know what to do with it. *beep*
Hi, this is Joe's cell phone. You know the routine: I say, “Leave a message.” I beep. You talk. You hang up. Now let's get on with it and stop wasting time. *beep*
Well, well, well! It's about time you called me, but now I'm not available. Your loss! So please leave a message at the tone. *beep*
Hello, this is ____; I'm not in right now. You better leave a message at the beep or else... (dramatic pause) I won't call you back *beep*
